Don't get excited for me.
I feel disappointed, upset, angry, and worried about this news.
For me, it's more like he is purchasing a woman.
 |
| Dowry Price (source) |
A couple of months ago, he went to visit Laos with his parents. He posted pictures of their visit to Laos on Facebook. I found it strange that most of the photos are of him and Laotian Hmong women. It seems like his vacation and mission in Laos was to find a wife. Many Hmong American men have been traveling overseas for this purpose. I didn't think Xavier is the kind of person to do this sort of thing, but I guess his actions speak louder than words. After only a few weeks in Laos, my friend returned to the USA engaged to a Hmong woman from Laos.
The worst part is the extra album he created. It is entitled, "Hmong Laos Girls". The description for the album says, "Be serious and you can contact them." In this album, there are 18 individual pictures of Laotian Hmong women. These women look like they are dressed in the best clothing they have. Some stand in front of their home which is a shack with dirt as the floor. The beautiful forest jungle scenery is also in the background. Another woman stands on a bridge. Another woman stands on a dirt road, holding the peace sign up. Each photo has their name.
I had to make a few comments on this album.
Monzong:
Isn't it illegal to post something like this? It's like a different form [a safer form] of human trafficking. What you're saying to your audience is: "If you're serious about 'purchasing' a Laotian Hmong woman through 'marriage', here they are. Just pick and choose." This is highly dehumanizing towards women. A violence done onto women. I do not approve.
Sue:
To an extent, I agree with you Monzong, but maybe the girls approved?!
Xavier:
that's why i said serious inquiries only. if who ever ask and is not serious about actually marrying one then STAY OFF because these are close relatives of mine too. also they did ask too if i can find them one if i don't get involved with anyone of them..
Monzong:
You may argue men are relieving women through financial support. You could say that this is a form of empowering women and their family in developing countries such as Laos & Thailand. However, the power dynamic of the patriarchal societies in which we exist in coerces women [and their families] to this kind of desperation for wealth. You can argue that these women are giving their consent to marry the 'rich' American Hmong men, but to what extent have their thoughts and values been shaped by their poor living conditions and the oppressive forces of the patriarchal system of a society? In the end, this kind of activity results in the degradation of women (no matter if you have close relations to these women or not), which leads to sexism, and then lead to violence towards women--sexual violence and more. The larger picture is at stake here: women seen as objects--objectification of women.
Xavier:
that's y i said serious inquiries only. the reason i said that is if you don't like the girl why start it. and also i don't approve of a person getting married just because one of them is in a poorer state. that's going to be a mislead to a life of unhappiness. as you noticed and see i married one myself. I made my own choice based on the facts that I've met her and really like and love her and the factors goes the same for her.
Monzong:
So what does marriage mean anyway? Does it begin with seeing someone as sexy and vulnerable and beautiful? And then what's next? Making sure you have enough money? And then what's next? Oh, I know what's next, it's the nice flowery notion of valuing the woman's sense of self-worth, her personality, her obedience, compatibility...? Is this your message to the world about these women? I don't understand. Please debunk these thoughts in my mind. Please do so, as I am contemplating about this all in relation to the greater sociological consequences. I find what you say hard to believe, though I believe you're not the typical ruthless Hmong man who would just go over to Laos merely in pursuit of purchasing a wife. No offense there. I am finding it hard to believe what you're displaying here is a result for the greater good of women's condition. I need to speak to you more about this.
Xavier:
I'm not putting it out that way. I'm just a person who is trying to open a pathway to others. There are many (and I know a few) that would take advantage of this, but at the same time you have to considerate who is the one behind this. Which is me, thinks highly of a women, that is not willing to give anymore information to those who is just trying to take advantage someone.
Monzong:
You think highly of women but how does this display of women not make you hypocritical?
Xavier:
It's not. If I am I would be posting phone numbers left and right like everyone else that are trying to take advantage of others.
Xavier:
I'm not putting it out that way. I'm just a person who is trying to open a pathway to others. There are many (and I know a few) that would take advantage of this, but at the same time you have to considerate who is the one behind this. Which is me, thinks highly of a women, that is not willing to give anymore information to those who is just trying to take advantage someone.
Monzong:
I don't mean to demonize you in anyway. I believe you have good intentions. However, I believe this situation is more complicated than you think it is. It is more complicated than WE think it is. I am here to provoke critical analysis of this situation through a sociological and feminist perspective. I don't want for anyone to be a passive recipient to whatever is in front of them. I want questions.
Isn't it illegal to post something like this? It's like a different form [a safer form] of human trafficking. What you're saying to your audience is: "If you're serious about 'purchasing' a Laotian Hmong woman through 'marriage', here they are. Just pick and choose." This is highly dehumanizing towards women. A violence done onto women. I do not approve.
Sue:
To an extent, I agree with you Monzong, but maybe the girls approved?!
Xavier:
that's why i said serious inquiries only. if who ever ask and is not serious about actually marrying one then STAY OFF because these are close relatives of mine too. also they did ask too if i can find them one if i don't get involved with anyone of them..
Monzong:
You may argue men are relieving women through financial support. You could say that this is a form of empowering women and their family in developing countries such as Laos & Thailand. However, the power dynamic of the patriarchal societies in which we exist in coerces women [and their families] to this kind of desperation for wealth. You can argue that these women are giving their consent to marry the 'rich' American Hmong men, but to what extent have their thoughts and values been shaped by their poor living conditions and the oppressive forces of the patriarchal system of a society? In the end, this kind of activity results in the degradation of women (no matter if you have close relations to these women or not), which leads to sexism, and then lead to violence towards women--sexual violence and more. The larger picture is at stake here: women seen as objects--objectification of women.
Xavier:
that's y i said serious inquiries only. the reason i said that is if you don't like the girl why start it. and also i don't approve of a person getting married just because one of them is in a poorer state. that's going to be a mislead to a life of unhappiness. as you noticed and see i married one myself. I made my own choice based on the facts that I've met her and really like and love her and the factors goes the same for her.
Monzong:
So what does marriage mean anyway? Does it begin with seeing someone as sexy and vulnerable and beautiful? And then what's next? Making sure you have enough money? And then what's next? Oh, I know what's next, it's the nice flowery notion of valuing the woman's sense of self-worth, her personality, her obedience, compatibility...? Is this your message to the world about these women? I don't understand. Please debunk these thoughts in my mind. Please do so, as I am contemplating about this all in relation to the greater sociological consequences. I find what you say hard to believe, though I believe you're not the typical ruthless Hmong man who would just go over to Laos merely in pursuit of purchasing a wife. No offense there. I am finding it hard to believe what you're displaying here is a result for the greater good of women's condition. I need to speak to you more about this.
Xavier:
I'm not putting it out that way. I'm just a person who is trying to open a pathway to others. There are many (and I know a few) that would take advantage of this, but at the same time you have to considerate who is the one behind this. Which is me, thinks highly of a women, that is not willing to give anymore information to those who is just trying to take advantage someone.
Monzong:
You think highly of women but how does this display of women not make you hypocritical?
Xavier:
It's not. If I am I would be posting phone numbers left and right like everyone else that are trying to take advantage of others.
Xavier:
I'm not putting it out that way. I'm just a person who is trying to open a pathway to others. There are many (and I know a few) that would take advantage of this, but at the same time you have to considerate who is the one behind this. Which is me, thinks highly of a women, that is not willing to give anymore information to those who is just trying to take advantage someone.
Monzong:
I don't mean to demonize you in anyway. I believe you have good intentions. However, I believe this situation is more complicated than you think it is. It is more complicated than WE think it is. I am here to provoke critical analysis of this situation through a sociological and feminist perspective. I don't want for anyone to be a passive recipient to whatever is in front of them. I want questions.
Sue's comment about how the Laotian Hmong women have agency for approving these marriages troubles me. Do they really have agency? Is it really their choice? The rhetoric of women's choice is a passive discourse. In 21st Century Motherhood, Judith Stadtman Tucker critiques the discourse of choice and agency in her essay From "Choice" to Change: Rewriting the Script of Motherhood as Maternal Activism:
From an activist standpoint, the discourse of choice--which is primarily used to justify or explain the way things are, rather than to defend the way things ought to be--can be understood as a passive discourse (297).
This is the essay I needed to read in order to better analyze this situation. The Laotian Hmong women may approve of the marriage arrangements, but how has their choice been influenced by multiple social factors and systems of oppression like patriarchy and capitalism?
I've changed a lot since high school. My thinking has become more radical and critical since high school. Many of my old high school friends want to enjoy the simple life and not have to complicate things. I really do not know if they can handle being around me. I don't think they are used to women or thinkers like me because if something sexist is muttered, I will react. I will challenge them. They will feel uncomfortable, but I think they will grow from it nevertheless.
From an activist standpoint, the discourse of choice--which is primarily used to justify or explain the way things are, rather than to defend the way things ought to be--can be understood as a passive discourse (297).
This is the essay I needed to read in order to better analyze this situation. The Laotian Hmong women may approve of the marriage arrangements, but how has their choice been influenced by multiple social factors and systems of oppression like patriarchy and capitalism?
I've changed a lot since high school. My thinking has become more radical and critical since high school. Many of my old high school friends want to enjoy the simple life and not have to complicate things. I really do not know if they can handle being around me. I don't think they are used to women or thinkers like me because if something sexist is muttered, I will react. I will challenge them. They will feel uncomfortable, but I think they will grow from it nevertheless.
I remember our conversation about this situation, and I agree that the rhetoric of choice is a useful framework of analysis. To choose from limited options is to make a decision; that's not the same as choice. These are difficult and challenging but necessary conversations. We need to hear the voices of more Hmong women on this topic.
ReplyDeleteThis is a powerful story and very thought provoking. I would agree that 'choice' is a strong word for the limited agency these women truly have. The idea of marrying a strange man, moving to a strange country, and being surrounded by a strange language all in the pursuit of a chance at the freedom and opportunities the U.S. presents is overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all of your comments. They stretch my thinking!
ReplyDelete