$eeking Arrangement

Money for College

I owe St. Olaf College  $4,773.

If I do not pay this amount by May 23rd, I will not be able to receive my diploma and graduate. I'm stressing out and super worried about how I need to pull out a lot of loans.

$4,773 is a lot of money for me, especially because my family and I live below the poverty line. We've always been below the poverty line. But somehow, when I tell my friends that I have a total of about $4,000 in loans, they shout "That's it!!?"

I quickly find out how they have over $20,000 in loans. One of my friends has about $31,000 in loans. She studied traveled abroad two times during her college career. This relieves me about my situation, although I find it absolutely troubling that the costs of a college education has skyrocketed. My friend and I researched more about this phenomenon. We searched for articles on the New York Times and found an alarming article on how recent college students have been seeking arrangements with millionaires to help pay off their insane education debts. This was shocking. I continued to search for other articles and videos on this topic.

There are many media views on this phenomenon because there is a large debate on if this activity is considered prostitution: Dr. Drew on SeekingArrangement & SeekingArrangement.com on 20/20 College Sugar Babies.

Check out the website. What do you think about these descriptions?

Seeking Arrangement

The Modern Gentlemen

You are always respectful and generous. You only live once, and you want to date the best. Some call you a mentor, sponsor or benefactor. But no matter what your desires may be, you are brutally honest about who you are, what you expect and what you offer.

Goal Seeking Sugar Baby

Attractive, intelligent, ambitious and goal oriented. Sugar Babies are students, actresses, models or girls & guys next door. You know you deserve to date someone who will pamper you, empower you, and help you mentally, emotionally and financially.

The site confirms the income of the sugar daddies and sugar mamas; however, it does not promise the safety of anyone's life. 

I have been following an amazing blog written by a Hmong woman.

http://ahmongwoman.com/2013/03/10/zerlina-maxwell-rape-prevention-and-guns/

The Feminine Mystique

In the 1950s, women were trapped by the feminine mystique. What is the feminine mystique?

The ideal woman was to stay at home all day to cook and clean the house while raising their children.


he social construction of the ideal woman.

While Friedan’s book was groundbreaking, her bias toward white middle class women greatly limited the possibilities and applicability of her message and goals. And yet, we want you to think about the ways in which we may be trapped in a new kind of feminine mystique.

What ever happened to feminism?

Two years ago I worked on an oral history project. I interviewed my academic adviser. She was a big feminist during her college years here at St. Olaf. During her time, students were protesting to have condoms readily available on campus. This was a time where the conversation of sex could lead to a deadly one because of HIV/AIDS. As a feminist, she protested holding signs and shouting for students' rights to have condoms on campus. This was in the 80's.

After graduating from college, she was still a feminist but in subtle ways. She now works here on campus and saw how the student body do not display overt forms of feminism at all. You wouldn't find a group of students holding up signs for change. It's different now.

Some of my friends claim to be feminists. A few despise the word and do not think they need feminism anymore. What is going on? I am not sure, but I believe Courtney E. Martin's TED Talk here is very important to consider.

Because I was Colorblind

I can understand when Camille Wilson Cooper said, "A colorblind society is a detrimental one." 
I feel the oppression of colorblind racism every day. White students all around me are kind and wave hello to me, but that's as far as it really goes.  

In her essay Racially Conscious Mothering, she mentioned how black mothers have been raising their kids to become aware of the racial stratification of society. Black mothers are making their kids aware of how unfair America's society is to them simply because of their brown skin. I wish I had a mentor to tell me about this. I have only been living a lie since I wasn't able to recognize or study what racism really is. 

My mother didn't raise me to be racially conscious. After fleeing from the Vietcong during the Vietnam War, my parents and three older siblings were able to fly to the United States to make a new and better life here. Their minds were filled with the American Dream rhetoric. 

The words that filled my mind were: Education is the key to success! 

It seemed true for a long time. I did well in all my schooling. During high school I even took a few college courses--enough to fulfill a whole semester's worth of courses. I was off to college with so much enthusiasm and happiness because of my academic success. However, once I came here to St. Olaf College, I began experiencing something I could not have prepared for: classicism and racism...covert racism. I never knew these would hurt so much. 

My first year at St. Olaf College was a big disaster. For the first time ever, I was in a room full of white students who are super rich. Some had a few mansions, many had medical doctors for parents. I never felt so far behind in academics before. How could I, an immigrant daughter, compete with that? 

Every single day was an impossible battle in my mind. Before I went to class, I was already stressing about how I'm going to have to sit with all of those white students. When I made it to class, I sat with the international Chinese students so I wouldn't have to fear being judge by using incorrect grammar since the Chinese students I became friends with struggled to understand the English language. I felt more at home sitting next to them.

When class required me to speak for participation points, I began to rehearse a sentence or two in my head for 20 minutes before I actually raise my hand because my mind is always interrupted with fear of what the white students really think of me as an Asian person:

Ching chong, ling long, ting tong.
Those Asians can't even speak English.
They need to go back to China.
Their eyes are so chinky. 

My thoughts became more poisonous. Once I began to raise my hand, my face begins to redden. As I raise my hand up, chaos fills my mind:

I know, I just know, that if I mess up on my grammar when speaking out loud, all the white people will attach it to my whole race of Asians. 

When white people mess up on their grammar, it never attaches to them. 

Think about George W. Bush. 

He made lots of grammatical errors in his public speeches, but most of the American society thinks it was cute, simply adorable and such. 

The American society wouldn't label white people as grammatically incorrect imbeciles. 

If Obama made grammatical errors in his speech, all hell would break loose. 

All of this is because of racism. 

All of this was scrambling all over in my mind. 

Right before I am about to be called on, my mind tells me:
Don't mess up, don't mess up, don't be grammatically incorrect, please don't, or else they will all think you're stupid, they will all think Asian Americans from the ghetto poor neighborhoods are stupid and only made it to campus because of affirmative action and grant money...don't mess up....or else...

...and then the professor picks on me to make a comment....

"...Oh, never mind," I smile politely as my cheeks begin to burn.

"Are you sure?" My professor insists.

I lie, "...Um, you have already answered the question I had..."

"Okay" He turns toward the class again and continues lecture.

My mind is still at war. I replay all the words I've said out loud:

Oh, never mind...Um, you have already answered the question I had...

Oh, never mind...Um, you have already answered the question I had...

Oh, never mind...Um, you have already answered the question I had...

I pause.

I wonder if that statement was grammatically incorrect...

Hmm...
Oh, never mind...Um, you have already answered the question I had...
Oh, never mind...Um, you have already answered the question I had...

Hmm...
Oh, never mind...

Hmm...
Um, you have already answered the question I had...

Okay, I think it's okay...

~*~

I was never like this in high school. I went to a high school that was absolutely racially diverse. It was only when I came to an institution where I am really the only person of color in the classroom that I began to have all these fears of racism. Because all of the white students are very good at hiding their truly racist thoughts and perceptions (colorblind racism), my state of mind has become chaotic somehow. That is how I have tried to understand this situation. Before learning about colorblind racism, I just blamed myself for getting carried away with these thoughts and being far too hysterical. But no, there is a larger social force that is impacting my feelings and thoughts and that is the racial stratification of our society and all the things that emerges from it--colorblind racism, overt racism, white supremacy, etc. And it's not just race. My passiveness also has to do with how women in society are supposed to be the submissive obedient persons to men.

Colorblind racism is all around me. Even if white students did not say racist things to my face, I know it crosses their mind. I know they talk about it behind closed doors. Everyone seems friendly, but no one will ever invite me to their movie nights, luncheons, or other activities. Colorblind racism was destroying me, and I didn't even know it. I've heard several white students say colorblind racists things such as, "Oh, one of my best friends were black." Did they really hangout, invite each other over for dinner in their home, sleepovers, etc? I don't think so. Stop lying to me. 

I believe mothers need to be racially conscious and raise their kids to be aware of it. I believe everyone should be racially conscious just as Professor Ted Thornhill said in our class on Monday. If I had been raised by being aware of the racial stratification of this society and of the world, I believe I would have been a stronger person. I would not be such a passive Asian woman. My mind would not have endured   all this pain because I would have built a strong foundation on how to shift my thinking. 

Burgeoning Feminist

My friend is getting married. 

Don't get excited for me. 

I feel disappointed, upset, angry, and worried about this news. 

For me, it's more like he is purchasing a woman.

Dowry Price (source)

I've been friends with Xavier since high school. We used to play tennis after school with a bunch of friends. 

A couple of months ago, he went to visit Laos with his parents. He posted pictures of their visit to Laos on Facebook. I found it strange that most of the photos are of him and Laotian Hmong women. It seems like his vacation and mission in Laos was to find a wife. Many Hmong American men have been traveling overseas for this purpose. I didn't think Xavier is the kind of person to do this sort of thing, but I guess his actions speak louder than words. After only a few weeks in Laos, my friend returned to the USA engaged to a Hmong woman from Laos.

The worst part is the extra album he created. It is entitled, "Hmong Laos Girls". The description for the album says, "Be serious and you can contact them." In this album, there are 18 individual pictures of Laotian Hmong women. These women look like they are dressed in the best clothing they have. Some stand in front of their home which is a shack with dirt as the floor. The beautiful forest jungle scenery is also in the background. Another woman stands on a bridge. Another woman stands on a dirt road, holding the peace sign up. Each photo has their name.

I had to make a few comments on this album.

Monzong:
Isn't it illegal to post something like this? It's like a different form [a safer form] of human trafficking. What you're saying to your audience is: "If you're serious about 'purchasing' a Laotian Hmong woman through 'marriage', here they are. Just pick and choose." This is highly dehumanizing towards women. A violence done onto women. I do not approve.

Sue:
To an extent, I agree with you Monzong, but maybe the girls approved?!

Xavier:
that's why i said serious inquiries only. if who ever ask and is not serious about actually marrying one then STAY OFF because these are close relatives of mine too. also they did ask too if i can find them one if i don't get involved with anyone of them..

Monzong:
You may argue men are relieving women through financial support. You could say that this is a form of empowering women and their family in developing countries such as Laos & Thailand. However, the power dynamic of the patriarchal societies in which we exist in coerces women [and their families] to this kind of desperation for wealth. You can argue that these women are giving their consent to marry the 'rich' American Hmong men, but to what extent have their thoughts and values been shaped by their poor living conditions and the oppressive forces of the patriarchal system of a society? In the end, this kind of activity results in the degradation of women (no matter if you have close relations to these women or not), which leads to sexism, and then lead to violence towards women--sexual violence and more. The larger picture is at stake here: women seen as objects--objectification of women.

Xavier:
that's y i said serious inquiries only. the reason i said that is if you don't like the girl why start it. and also i don't approve of a person getting married just because one of them is in a poorer state. that's going to be a mislead to a life of unhappiness. as you noticed and see i married one myself. I made my own choice based on the facts that I've met her and really like and love her and the factors goes the same for her.

Monzong:
So what does marriage mean anyway? Does it begin with seeing someone as sexy and vulnerable and beautiful? And then what's next? Making sure you have enough money? And then what's next? Oh, I know what's next, it's the nice flowery notion of valuing the woman's sense of self-worth, her personality, her obedience, compatibility...? Is this your message to the world about these women? I don't understand. Please debunk these thoughts in my mind. Please do so, as I am contemplating about this all in relation to the greater sociological consequences. I find what you say hard to believe, though I believe you're not the typical ruthless Hmong man who would just go over to Laos merely in pursuit of purchasing a wife. No offense there. I am finding it hard to believe what you're displaying here is a result for the greater good of women's condition. I need to speak to you more about this.

Xavier:
I'm not putting it out that way. I'm just a person who is trying to open a pathway to others. There are many (and I know a few) that would take advantage of this, but at the same time you have to considerate who is the one behind this. Which is me, thinks highly of a women, that is not willing to give anymore information to those who is just trying to take advantage someone.

Monzong:
You think highly of women but how does this display of women not make you hypocritical?

Xavier:
It's not. If I am I would be posting phone numbers left and right like everyone else that are trying to take advantage of others.

Xavier:
I'm not putting it out that way. I'm just a person who is trying to open a pathway to others. There are many (and I know a few) that would take advantage of this, but at the same time you have to considerate who is the one behind this. Which is me, thinks highly of a women, that is not willing to give anymore information to those who is just trying to take advantage someone.

Monzong:
I don't mean to demonize you in anyway. I believe you have good intentions. However, I believe this situation is more complicated than you think it is. It is more complicated than WE think it is. I am here to provoke critical analysis of this situation through a sociological and feminist perspective. I don't want for anyone to be a passive recipient to whatever is in front of them. I want questions.

Sue's comment about how the Laotian Hmong women have agency for approving these marriages troubles me. Do they really have agency? Is it really their choice? The rhetoric of women's choice is a passive discourse. In 21st Century Motherhood, Judith Stadtman Tucker critiques the discourse of choice and agency in her essay From "Choice" to Change: Rewriting the Script of Motherhood as Maternal Activism:

From an activist standpoint, the discourse of choice--which is primarily used to justify or explain the way things are, rather than to defend the way things ought to be--can be understood as a passive discourse (297).

This is the essay I needed to read in order to better analyze this situation. The Laotian Hmong women may approve of the marriage arrangements, but how has their choice been influenced by multiple social factors and systems of oppression like patriarchy and capitalism? 

I've changed a lot since high school. My thinking has become more radical and critical since high school. Many of my old high school friends want to enjoy the simple life and not have to complicate things. I really do not know if they can handle being around me. I don't think they are used to women or thinkers like me because if something sexist is muttered, I will react. I will challenge them. They will feel uncomfortable, but I think they will grow from it nevertheless. 

White Eggs in Brown Bodies

Brown bodies, white eggs. So, what does that mean?  Basically, white women, who cannot carry a fetus for 9 months due to a variety of medical issues, pay black women to become their surrogate. The brown woman's body [uterus] has a fertilized egg from a white couple inside. Race is very important here. Historically, white people have an extremely higher level of income than black people. White women overall are less likely to become surrogate mothers unless they are paid a high income. On a large scale, black women have less income than white women in this country. Black women are  more likely to offer their body as a surrogate way as a means for extra income money and when they do not request as much money for offering these services compared to what white women would demand. 

In Deborah R. Grayson's journal article, Mediating Intimacy: Black Surrogate Mothers and the Law, she poses these questions after the case of Mark and Crispina Calvert—a white and Filipina ancestry middle-class couple—and their surrogate Anna Johnson—a working-class woman of African American descent. 

• Can a woman be the mother of a child with whom she has no genetic connection? 

• Or does the genetic material provided by the egg and the sperm donated to create the child determine who its natural parent or parents are? 

• When does a woman become a mother--while she is pregnant or after she has delivered a baby? 

• What of the bodily experience of pregnancy?

• Does a woman's participation in pregnancy--her carrying the fetus in her uterus--have any bearing on the determining factor in defining parental rights and relationships, or that custody disputes should be decided solely on the basis of the parental intent of the persons who supplied the genetic material? 

• Who and what is a mother? 

• Can a child have two biological mothers? 

How would you answer these questions?

Race Matters Campaign

At the beginning of this semester, I thought I had the worst Sociology & Anthropology senior seminar course. We did not even have a syllabus until a couple of weeks ago. The readings for class seemed randomly selected based on the most recent books on the economy, environment, health care, and race. It was a drag to go to class, and even worse to be stuck in class for 55 minutes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Wow. I never knew this would happen to me at St. Olaf College. 

On the other hand.....

The reason why this is the best class ever:

Our professor gave us full autonomy in designing any kind of project we want.

At first, we all wanted to create a protest. We wanted to do something radical about racism on campus. After much discussion and reconstruction of our ideas, we have decided to create the Race Matters campaign.

It has been a rewarding experience! I'm so proud of my colleagues and I for being so passionate about addressing racism on campus!

Please join us for the Panel Discussion on Monday April 15th 7pm in the Black and Gold Ballroom!

This is the poster that I created through Adobe Photoshop CS6.

Addressing colourblind racism.

The End of Men???

Hanna Rosin gave this TED talk on how women are rising above men in almost every area! She makes global generalizations on how women are succeeding everywhere. For example, women are becoming the breadwinners! Women have higher income than men! She also claims that there are more women in the world such as in China. This is not true.

According to Mara Hvistendahl, author of Unnatural Selection, there is a gender imbalance in the world.  The male to female ratio is distorted. There are more men in China than women. Rosin's hopeful speech about how women are rising above men lacks solid research. 

Watch and listen critically.

In Reshaping the Work-Family Debate, Joan Williams critiques Sarah Palin's version of feminism:
"In Palin's version of feminism, men need not change. In addition, she herself exemplifies the conventional success strategy, which is to dress femme but act the tomboy, taking on masculine personality traits (firm, comanding, competent, confident) and roles (breadwinner). This strategy works for many professional women while they are young and child free. But it does not appeal to many women, and for many others, assimilation opportunities end abruptly once children are born. Palin so captivated many American women, in part, because she sent a reassuring message: I can be a good mother, a hot babe, and a successful leader. Nothing needs to change (218)."

Really!!?

Does Rosin's TED talk seem similar to that of Sarah Palin's version of feminism?

That's what it seems so to me! You could easily replace much of what Williams said about Palin's "version of feminism" and relate it to Rosin's message. Rosin over generalizes women. Her TED talk will not appeal to all mothers, women of color, women in poverty, and more. Rosin's TED talk only leads to how "nothing needs to change" except that maybe too many women are rising to the top and we need to help men.

By the way, check out Rosin's new book, The End of Men and the Rise of Women. I don't mean to promote her work. The title sounds iffy. Challenge her work.

Time for a Rest

Hello readers! I'm finally on spring break! I will be posting more when I return from spring break! Hope you'll enjoy the sun's warmth and the brighter days ahead!

I'm planning on adopting a blind puppy. It is a chihuahua and yorkie mixed breed. The puppy developed cataracts and it's far too expensive to pay for the surgery--$2,000 per eye. My sister is absolutely saddened by this as I refrain from such emotions. I don't want to turn my puppy into a demon dog by giving it affection 100%.  I learned that from Ceasar Millan. I love watching his Dog Whisperer shows!  It's amazing! And it's free on YouTube!